Torture and Fear
by sg4ever
Summary: this is my very first fanfiction. The fic deals with Helen and Nikola after "Sleepers", with their feelings and the way they go on with their lives until they realise they need one another.


"Helen", he said in a husky voice struggling to pronounce her name for one last time.

"I'm here", she replied while a river or tears was overflowing her face. "Don't speak. Henry's on the way, we're going to get you to the Sanctuary. You're going to be fine".

He smiled keeping her hand tight in his own hands.

"I'm afraid I won't make it this time."

The words frightened Helen, sending frozen shivers into all her bones. The man that survived John's killing attempt, the man that passed through enough electric current to kill him, the man who faced the super vampires on his own, the man she _loved _was going to die. For the first time in her life, Helen watched how Nikola's stubbornness was fading into spleen. And she knew he won't survive. The wound was too deep and the bullet passed right through his heart. She only had a few seconds left to spend with him.

"Come on Nikola bear with me! Don't leave! You can't leave me!"

In a second everything was clear. Oh how fool she's been all these years denying her feelings and now, she'll never get the chance to make up for it.

"You can't leave because I LOVE YOU! Do you hear me? I love you!"

Her voice faded in a cry while with one hand was taking away his hair of his sweaty forehead and with the other she was exploring Nikola's face.

"I never thought I'm gonna live to hear you say the words", a clear voice said.

For a moment, the smirk that was back on Nikola's face, the same smirk that she loved with all her heart, gave her a hope. But then than smirk became nothing less than a smile filled with pain. Nikola raised his right hand to reach for Helen's face.

"Helen…", he said while his eyes were trying hard to focus, "dying in your arms is the most beautiful death I could ever dream at. Goodbye Helen!"

Saying the words, his hand fell on the ground and his mind fell in relief.

"Nooooooooooo!" Helen started to scream and cry. "Don't go! I need you!", and the crying got stronger and stronger. Pulling Nikola's lifeless body to into her arms, millions of tears were falling over his face, over his beautiful smile that froze on his face.

"It can't be! Nikola! Nikola! Nikolaaaa!"

A hand touched her shoulder gently.

"Magnus?"

She suddenly raised her head and saw Will standing next to her in her lab.

"I must have fallen asleep" she said, without being able to shake the nightmare she just had, out of her head.

"Are you okay Magnus?", Will asked.

"I'm fine, don't worry, just a bad dream."

"No, I mean, are you really okay? You were screaming Nikola and lately you've been always busy. You barely eat, you don't sleep anymore, which is weird even for someone like you, you don't even get out of the lab. Magnus, are you okay?"

"This is one of the disadvantages of having a psychoanalyst into your house" Helen thought and then replied "I'll survive William, I appreciate your concern. Now if you don't mind I'm kind of busy, have to run some more tests. Excuse me."

Of course she couldn't have tricked Will but she didn't even want to. It was obvious to everyone she was NOT alright but she didn't need compassion or pity. She just wanted to go back to work.

Three days, he had not left the room. Laying on the bed, with his eyes lost on the ceiling, Nikola was thinking. Thinking about his lost powers, immortality, thinking about life and death and thinking about Helen. He was analyzing his feelings, as he did most of the time when he was alone and not planning world domination. But now, it's been more than three days since he has last thought of world domination. Without his vampire powers, all his dreams and plans seemed now impossible to achieve. The magnetic abilities were interesting indeed but in the last three days spent in his hotel room he found out all he needed to know about them and came to the conclusion they'll never be enough for him. Once with the disappearance of his vampire powers, a part of him died. And now, he was afraid. His mind struggled hard to convince him this is not true but in the end, he had to accept the awful truth: he was afraid of death, and what's worse, he was now afraid of living too. Only the thought of him, getting out of the hotel room and the possibility of being injured in some sort of accident, or getting sick of some kind of disease or dying, scared him to death. He was trying hard to act rationally but his mind just would not listen.

The only thing that helped him to forget for a short period of time of his fear, was the thought of Helen. She was always there for him and he never had the chance to say "thank you" because of his ego and pride. Even after he's lost his powers, she still tried hard for a way to get them back. He loved her too much to stay around Sanctuary after this. So he decided to leave and now, there he was in this hotel room, facing life…

"Nikola no! Nikola!" Helen screamed.

Opening her eyes, she found herself in her bed, holding the blanket tight.

She gasped "it was just a dream".

For three months she was having the same nightmare, watching Nikola dying and not being able to do anything to save him. It was a torture. For three months she has been trying to find a way to re-vamp Nikola and came up empty. And for three months, she didn't know anything about him. The truth is that she was just horrified at the thought Nikola could die any day. She knew very well how reckless he is and the thought of him being no more was killing her. That was one of the reasons she dedicated to her work. She didn't want to think at the possibility of losing Nikola. The other reason why she was desperately trying to find a way to restore his powers was the guilt.

"_It's not your fault he's mortal_!" Will had said to her once, but she was hearing Nikola's voice in her head all the time "_I hope you're all happy now! I'm ordinary_!". It was not her fault but she just couldn't shake the guilt. And now she felt like she let him down, not being able to find anything relevant in all her researches. The Sanctuary was up to Will, Henry and Kate, because she just couldn't focus on anything else than her purpose. She actually thought she's about to discover a way to revamp Nikola, but it gave no results, again. So after her last unfortunate attempt, Helen's mind was now lost and scattered.

It's been three months, or ninety nine days, as Nikola liked to count them, now that he was concerned for his life time. Since he has decided to get out of his hotel room and face his fear, his everyday life was now heading to the same direction. Everyday, he woke up at 7, he ate (mostly because he had to) and then went rambling though the city and stopped into the park. He loved Venice for its history, culture, but mostly for its pigeons. These amazing creatures proved to be his best friends in some of the toughest times of his life. He just found so much understanding and even some resembling between him and pigeons that he cared about them more than he cared about people. The last time pigeons helped him to go on with his life was when Helen got engaged with Druitt. The fear he lost her forever made him seek understanding and found it in pigeons. And now, again one of his fears made him need the pigeons: the fear of death. In those ten hours he was spending in park, everyday with the pigeons, he could find the courage to go on 'till the next day. Until one day, when he decided he has to move on and seek for the thing that could give his life a meaning…

She woke up all sweaty, still crying. The same nightmare was haunting her, was draining the life out of her. She looked around and seeing the tray with breakfast that most probably Will brought, she decided she was starving and took the tray and put it on the bed. A piece of paper was standing under the cup of tea so she took it. The second she unfolded it and saw the handwriting her heart went crazy because she knew that handwriting so well. "_Enjoy you meal! Meet you after. Tesla". "p.s: I love you_!"

Helen's hands started shaking and soon her entire body too. "Nikola is here!" and as much as she wanted to jump out of bed and go searching for him, she realized she's weaken because she hasn't been eating at all in the last week so she decided to listen Nikola's advice and enjoy her meal and then she could go and solve the unsolved problems of her heart.

Nikola was waiting on the couch, the same couch where he and Helen shared a bottle of wine the last time he saw her. When he came to the Sanctuary he wasn't really sure what he has to do but then Will opened the door and he saw Nikola's look and somehow he understood and invited him in. Will then told him about Helen's condition from the last months and about her continuous work searching for a way to revamp him and now, Nikola was feeling guilty for this. He was so selfish leaving the Sanctuary, leaving Helen without an explanation and now he was blaming himself for Helen being sick.

While his thoughts were taking over his mind, Helen suddenly appeared in front of the opened door. The look of her pale white skin and her tired eyes, made Nikola gasp and provoked him a great pain in the heart.

He really was there and this time is was no dream. He was standing on the couch lost in his thoughts. As he turned around and looked at her, Helen's eyes fell on his face, face that she barely recognized. He was metamorphosed somehow. He seemed so lost. The smirk on his face was completely gone, and there was no trace of arrogance in his look. He seemed humble, ordinary. Everything that defined him was gone now. And Helen was feeling even more guilty now for not being able to come up with anything to help him. The constant concern that has been trying her ever since Nikola's departure was suddenly replaced with joy that he was safe and sound. So, without even thinking at her pride, she just leaned to him and they embraced. It was so good to feel his heart beats, his body heat, his skin touching hers that she found herself asking why she waited so much to do this.

For Nikola the embrace was unexpected but it had awaken his heart again. He could feel the life flowing through his veins, he could feel Helen's heart beating in an abnormal rate and he could also feel his fear fading and love filling his heart. Nine seconds have passed like nine years and the embrace was over. He was now gazing Helen, trying to find the courage to say the words he wanted to say.

"I was worried for you! Don't you ever do this to me again. Disappear like that!" . She couldn't believe herself the words that were coming out of her mouth but this lasted for over a century and she knew she didn't have another century to tell Nikola how she feels.

"I'm sorry Nikola, I've been trying everything…I just…I didn't find any way to give you back immortality. I've failed you" said Helen lowering her gaze.

Nikola's mouth started speak long before his brain would even come up with the word because it's a been a century since he was holding those words somewhere in a corner of his mind.

"No, I'm sorry for all this! I'm sorry for being such a selfish and reckless person, I'm sorry for letting you get sick, I'm sorry for being a coward…and don't try to stop me saying it because I know that I am. The loss of my powers made me coward and for a time I was lost but you were there somehow… the thought of you made me go on and now, that I'm standing so close to you, I feel like I was born again. I have to thank you Helen for everything you've ever done for me. I'm sorry it took me that long to say it. And before you say anything else, I want you to know that I DO love you, more than anything in this world even though I know I can't ask the same thing from you."

And there it was, the most sincere moment in his entire existence. The relief of the truth came as a alleviation in Nikola's heart and mind. He was now tense waiting for Helen's reaction.

Nikola's sincerity blew her away. She never thought he could be so…sensitive, so human. Her brain was completely filled with happiness now discovering that all her feelings were shared by him too so she took one step closer to him, reached with her hands for his face, his hair, his eyes and then she leaned slowly and kissed him. Soon Nikola responded to the kiss and the kiss grown in intensity for there was a century of unresolved sexual tension between them.

She could taste love from his lips…


End file.
